Since Steve passed away, and for the first time in my life, I have had to walk this planet alone. It's strange that the moment only occurred in the second half of my personal century, but nonetheless, it has. In retrospect the irony that the only person who can make the hurt go away is the only one who cannot astonishes. I am not alone in feeling this way. Fifty percent of those of us who remain in life lasting relationships will lose our partners. This is natural. This is life. But still it is odd for me to be alone.
Sami and Monkey have brought back, to a certain extent, my grief that had gotten easier with time. This week has been more challenging. I am reminded by their presence, souvenirs of my sense of loss. But healing is not linear and my current drop in hope and happiness has already dissipated. I will survive this backwards motion and move forward as I have these past two years.
One of the ways that has helped me continue is to photo-document myself. The challenges that present themselves when I am both subject and photographer have been interesting, and my answer is to shoot the shadows that I place on the land. I have done this in California, New Orleans, Hawaii, Paris, Maryland and New England. Documenting my ephemeral existence places me within my self described parameter: impermanence. But now I am ready to move on and as it did today, when the sun weakly shines in a late winter's morning, I am left to document only those parts of my body readily available. The shadows have moved on.
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